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Sardar Jokes
Sardar on phone "Doctor my wife is pregnant.
She is having pain right now".
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking.....
-------------------------------------------------------
2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sardar1: Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case.
Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!
-------------------------------------------------------
A Sardar is filling up a job application form
He promptly fills in the lines on Name, Age, Addr,& etc.
Then came the column Salary Expected ________
After much thought he writes: Yes.
-------------------------------------------------------
A sardar photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him. why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"
-------------------------------------------------------
A girl in a wedding ceremony want to go 2 da toilet.
she asked a sardar,
sardarji su su kernay ki jaga dikhao.
sardar replied u naughty girl pehlay tum dikhao.
-------------------------------------------------------
In aptitude test
River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state.
-------------------------------------------------------
Why Was a SARDAR Arrested In a Political Rally?
Because He Saw a Girl Going Around With a Badge on her Chest Which Said "PRESS"
and SARDAR Pressed It.
She is having pain right now".
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking.....
-------------------------------------------------------
2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sardar1: Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case.
Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!
-------------------------------------------------------
A Sardar is filling up a job application form
He promptly fills in the lines on Name, Age, Addr,& etc.
Then came the column Salary Expected ________
After much thought he writes: Yes.
-------------------------------------------------------
A sardar photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him. why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"
-------------------------------------------------------
A girl in a wedding ceremony want to go 2 da toilet.
she asked a sardar,
sardarji su su kernay ki jaga dikhao.
sardar replied u naughty girl pehlay tum dikhao.
-------------------------------------------------------
In aptitude test
River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state.
-------------------------------------------------------
Why Was a SARDAR Arrested In a Political Rally?
Because He Saw a Girl Going Around With a Badge on her Chest Which Said "PRESS"
and SARDAR Pressed It.
Laila Majnu
Majnu Ko Laila Ka SMS Nahi Aaya
Majnu Ne Do Din Se Khana Nahi Khaya
Majnu Marne Vala Tha Laila K Pyaar Me
Laila Baithee Thee Sms Free Hojane Ke Intezar Me…
Majnu Ne Do Din Se Khana Nahi Khaya
Majnu Marne Vala Tha Laila K Pyaar Me
Laila Baithee Thee Sms Free Hojane Ke Intezar Me…
Extra Kamee-na BAcha!
Son: Papa Apki Love Marrige Hai Na?
Dad: Haan Per Tumhen Kese Pta?
Son: Apki Shadi Or Meri Date Of Birth Me Sirf 5 Month Ka Fark Hai
Dad: Haan Per Tumhen Kese Pta?
Son: Apki Shadi Or Meri Date Of Birth Me Sirf 5 Month Ka Fark Hai
Short Sardar Joke
Sardar strikes again.....
Doctor to patient: You will die within 2 hours. Do u want to see anyone before u die?
Patient: Yes........ A good doctor.
Doctor to patient: You will die within 2 hours. Do u want to see anyone before u die?
Patient: Yes........ A good doctor.
Fastest Marriage Proposal Agreement
Boy- 'Khana Banana' ata hai??
Girl - Nahi par...
...'BANANA Khana' ata hai...
.
And they get married....
Girl - Nahi par...
...'BANANA Khana' ata hai...
.
And they get married....
Funny SMS
Highlight of the year 2050….!!!
1. Rajnikant in Dhoom 22.
2. Golmaal 15 is ready for release.
3. I will play the next world cup – Sachin Tendulkar.
4. Shahid & Saif attended Kareena’s 8th wedding.
5. Petrol – Rs 1984/ litre.
-------------------------------------------------------
When men calls you hot, they r looking at your body...
When men calls you pretty, they r looking at your face...
When men calls you gorgeous, they r looking at your clothes...
But when they call you beautiful,,,
They are Lying.......;)
------------------------------------------------------
Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife :- Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
don’t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband :- wat did the doc say ?
Wife :- .No chance for u to survive
-------------------------------------------------------
Man in bar orders kingfisher beer!
Lady next to him- What a coincidence, Even i have ordered kingfisher.
Man- I'm celebrating.
Lady- Me too.
Man- What a coincidence. Y r u celebrating?
Lady- my husband & I have tried 4yrs for a baby. Today I'm pregnant.
Man- What a coincidence. I am a farmer, frm 4yrs my hens wer infertile, today all laying eggs.
Lady- Wow, How did that happened?
Man- I used a different cock.!
Lady SMILED, winked her eyes & said:- WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!
-------------------------------------------------------
~:Men are like Bluetooth:~
He is connected to you when you are nearby,
but searches for other devices when you are away..
~:Women are like Wi-Fi:~
She sees all available devices
but connects to the strongest one...
1. Rajnikant in Dhoom 22.
2. Golmaal 15 is ready for release.
3. I will play the next world cup – Sachin Tendulkar.
4. Shahid & Saif attended Kareena’s 8th wedding.
5. Petrol – Rs 1984/ litre.
-------------------------------------------------------
When men calls you hot, they r looking at your body...
When men calls you pretty, they r looking at your face...
When men calls you gorgeous, they r looking at your clothes...
But when they call you beautiful,,,
They are Lying.......;)
------------------------------------------------------
Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife :- Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
don’t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband :- wat did the doc say ?
Wife :- .No chance for u to survive
-------------------------------------------------------
Man in bar orders kingfisher beer!
Lady next to him- What a coincidence, Even i have ordered kingfisher.
Man- I'm celebrating.
Lady- Me too.
Man- What a coincidence. Y r u celebrating?
Lady- my husband & I have tried 4yrs for a baby. Today I'm pregnant.
Man- What a coincidence. I am a farmer, frm 4yrs my hens wer infertile, today all laying eggs.
Lady- Wow, How did that happened?
Man- I used a different cock.!
Lady SMILED, winked her eyes & said:- WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!
-------------------------------------------------------
~:Men are like Bluetooth:~
He is connected to you when you are nearby,
but searches for other devices when you are away..
~:Women are like Wi-Fi:~
She sees all available devices
but connects to the strongest one...
Contraceptive Retailer
A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy
about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday
for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on
her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the
contraceptives.
"Look," he said. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they'll ask
for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large]. The word condom won't even
be used.
The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the
shop, put out his hand and said "350".
The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her
predicament.
"Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs"
her boss told her.
She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his
legs. "Yes!" she said " He's got one hanging there!"
The boss said "Go back in and give him £3.50, he's the window cleaner!"
about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday
for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on
her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the
contraceptives.
"Look," he said. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they'll ask
for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large]. The word condom won't even
be used.
The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the
shop, put out his hand and said "350".
The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her
predicament.
"Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs"
her boss told her.
She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his
legs. "Yes!" she said " He's got one hanging there!"
The boss said "Go back in and give him £3.50, he's the window cleaner!"
Narmal Baba Jokes (Piles Samasya)
Bhakt: Baba Muje Piles hua hai....
Nirmal Baba: Teekha bohot khate ho...?
Bhakt: Jee babaji...
Nirmal Baba: Khana banate waqt uska teekhapan check karte ho...?
Bhakt: Jee babaji...
Nirmal Baba: Kaise check karte ho..?
Bhakt: Bas khana banate waqt usme apni ungli dubokar, apne mu se chak kar check karta hu...
Nirmal Baba: Bas yahi Krupa ruki hui hai...
Bhakt: woh kese babaji...?
Nirmal Baba: Ungli mu me daalne se kya hoga? jaha takleef hai waha check karo... Fir krupa aani shuru ho jaegi... aur tumara kaam ho jaega...
Some Amazing and Interesting Animal Facts
An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
A snail can sleep for three years.
All polar bears are left handed.
A crocodile can't move its tongue.
Hummingbirds are the only bird that can fly backwards.
A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21 inch tongue.
Ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
A lobsters blood is colorless but when exposed to oxygen it turns blue.
Birds need gravity to swallow.
Cats spend 66% of their life asleep.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear alone.
Goldfish can see both infrared and ultraviolet light.
Macadamia nuts are toxic to dogs.
Spiders are arachnids and not insects.
Dragonflies have 6 legs but can't walk.
It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Funny Quotes
Why do the number of traffic accidents with stupid blond girls increase at April 1st.....?
When the traffic light is read they think it is a joke
Why did the statue of liberty have to be a woman.....?
The head had to be hollow to make a restaurant in it!
Why are men like a toothbrush....?
They are useless without handle.
What is the difference between a battery and a girl.....?
A battery has also a positive side.
My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so i got two Girlfriends.
Common sense is common, but... the use of common sense is uncommon !!!!
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game!
When an apple is green, it's ready to pluck, When a girl is sixteen she's ready to ..WOOPS...wrong number....
Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN
IPL Spot Fixing Jokes
 |
Elite Cricketing Personalities Views on Spot Fixing
Javed Miadad: See I smelled something is fishy in IPL few years back in South Africa Edition... its coming out now!
Atul Wassan: Bookies must be from Pakistan... Indian Cricket is Clean.
Ajay Jadeja: People involed in this should be banned for life, I mean how can they do this? they should understand Cricket is a Religion in this country.
Salman Butt: Yes! I got few more partners in this category... at last the focus on me is diverted
Common Man: Such a huge amount they are getting for a season is not enough... and a common man with very less source of income is getting strangled every day due to price rise... corruption... politics... n endless things.
Nirmal Baba Jokes (Bachha nahi ho raha)
Follower :Babaji mujhe aulad nahi ho rahi, kya karoon?
Nirmal Baba: Apni patni se last time kab mile ho?
Follower: 2 sal ho gaye, main doosre shahar me kam ke liye rahta hoon...
Nirmal Baba: Tumhare ghar ke uupar koon rahta hai?
Follower: Ek Sharmaji rahte hain...
Nirmal Baba: Apni patni ko kao, apni building me ana jana shroo karen,UPPAR se kripa aani shroo ho jayegi, tumhara kam poora ho jayega....
Nirmal Baba Jokes (Chaddi samasya)
Bhakt : Baba mujh se ladki nahi patti
Nirmal baba : Chaddi kaun si pahnte ho
Bhakt : Baba rupa ki chaddi pehenta hu
Baba : Bas yahi kripa ruki hui hai... tum rupa ki chaddi pehnoge, toh rupa tumse todina pategi...
Bhakt: Koi upai bataiye baba...
Baba: tum rupa ko uski chaddi lotado... aur nade wali chaddi silwalo... Kripa aani shuru hojaegi... tumara kaam hojaega...
Bhakt: Koi upai bataiye baba...
Baba: tum rupa ko uski chaddi lotado... aur nade wali chaddi silwalo... Kripa aani shuru hojaegi... tumara kaam hojaega...
Satyamev Jayate..... Rakhi Sawant a Big Joke
Rakhi and Aamir Conversation:
Rakhi Sawant: Ye mera Concept tha jo tumne churaya hai...
Aamir: Concept mera ho ya tumara... maqsad to ek hi hai na rakhi... Logo ko Jagruk karna... fir kis baat ka ghussa?
Rakhi Sawant: Haan! lekin abhi tume credit mil raha hai is baat ka... aur agar me ye concept karti to muje milta...
Aamir: Toh tume kya chahiye... Desh me badlav ya apne liye credit?
Rakhi Sawant: muje.... uh....uh... Item Songs! Haan me zyada se zyada Itme songs karna chati hoon....
Aamir: Usse kya hoga?
Rakhi: Isse mardo ko bohot fayda hoga... unke dil me mere liye aur saari ladkiyon ke liye izzat aur ladkiyon ko paane ki tamanna hogi...
Aamir: Matlab me samja nahi?
Rakhi: Female Foeticide Desh se Khatam!
Sourav Ganguly.... I am Dada
MasterMind Q&A on Sourav
1)What is common to a 100 mtrs race and Ganguly's innings?
Ans: They both last for the same time
2) How can u say "Get Out" to Ganguly politely?
Ans: Ask him to go to bat
3)If Rahul is "The Wall", what is Ganguly?
Ans: The hole in the wall
4)How can Ganguly save time everyday?
Ans: By not bothering to pad up
5)Who is the only cricketer who does not bat, bowl or field and yet plays international cricket?
Ans: no comments.......
6)Why has Saurav Ganguly been recommended as the fielding coach for India after retirement?
Ans: No one else can provide catches as easily as Ganguly
8)Which was the hottest place in B'lore Chinnaswami Stadium for the past few days?
Ans: The seat Ganguly was sitting in while in the Pavillion.
Student and Professor
A student comes to a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.
- "I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes seductively into his eyes.
- "I mean," she whispers, "I would do *anything*."
He returns her gaze.
- "Anything?"
- "ANYTHING"
His voice softens. "Anything??"
She smiles mischievously, "Anything."
His voice turns to a whisper, "Would you . . . study?"
- "I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes seductively into his eyes.
- "I mean," she whispers, "I would do *anything*."
He returns her gaze.
- "Anything?"
- "ANYTHING"
His voice softens. "Anything??"
She smiles mischievously, "Anything."
His voice turns to a whisper, "Would you . . . study?"
Nirmal Baba Jokes
Nirmal baba aur unke 6 Trainee baba 7 chatai per dhyaan lagakar baithe the.
Ek Aadmi aata hain aur sabse bujurg baba(Nirmal baba) ko Pranam kar poochta hain …
“Maharaj ladki nahi pat rahi hai.. kya Karu…?”
Nirmal Baba sabse chote baba ko pukarta hain…
Aur kehtaa hain “chotu ek aur chatai laga de beta…. ”
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DON'T COPY IF YOU CAN'T PASTE!
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He Said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went; "ah!" with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"
By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water on his balls.
Moral of the story:
Don't copy if you can't paste!
Don't copy if you can't paste!
CAT WON'T EAT
A blonde woman strode angrily into the large store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"
The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that 'Pussy Treats' are for cats?"
The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"
The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that 'Pussy Treats' are for cats?"
STATE CAPITALS
Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals.
Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,
"I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do...I memorized all the state capitals."
One of the guys, of course, said "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"
"N", she answered.
Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,
"I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do...I memorized all the state capitals."
One of the guys, of course, said "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"
"N", she answered.
AIRHOSTESS BLONDE
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess.
The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.
She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.
She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
SMART BLONDE
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know – it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”
To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know – it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”
To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”
TOURIST AND A GUIDE
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
"Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
"Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
Santa and His Friends Talking About Wifes
Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.
The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Santa says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.
The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Santa says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
Santa And His Teacher
Teacher: What is the axis of the Earth?
Santa: The axis of the Earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the Earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Santa: Yes, sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Santa: Imaginary clothes, sir
Santa: The axis of the Earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the Earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Santa: Yes, sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Santa: Imaginary clothes, sir
Santa And His Boss
Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet
Santa and A Professor
Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Sardar: BA
Professor:For sodium?
Sardar: NA
Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA
& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Sardar: BANANA
SANTA AND DOCTOR's PRESCRIPTION
Santa Singh: "My doctor told me to drink carrot juice after a hot bath to cure my cold."
Banta Singh: "Does it work?"
Santa Singh: "I don't know... I can never finish drinking the hot bath."
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